Where Do I Go From Here

Someone very dear and whom I love very much accused me of having an anti-Mormon blog. He asked me to take it down.

I am sure there are some posts that would be labeled by some devout members as anti-Mormon because to many devout members anything that is not pro-Mormon is anti-Mormon. That whole opposites thing that is part of the LDS dialogue. Even church history could be labeled anti-Mormon because it is not faith promoting as in faith promoting according to the LDS gospel.

I have no intention of taking down the church. I am not an ex-Mormon who wants to see the entire church crumble and all the members die.

Nothing I say or write is going to hurt the church. The church is too strong for that, its members too faithful to its teachings. If the church falls apart it will be because of other things, not because of this blog.

No, my intention is not to take down the church or lead anyone astray. My purpose is to have a voice.

For too long in the church I have not really had one. Women as a rule don't. And I'm sure there are women in the church who will disagree with that statement because they don't feel they've experienced that, and that's fine, but it is my experience and it is the experience of many women.

Frankly I'm tired of shutting up and behaving myself, keeping silent on things I disagree with. I want to say something and I don't think doing so in church is appropriate or fair to anyone who comes to church to be spiritually uplifted or be with like-minded people.

It is also clear that my facebook page is not the place to do it as well.

And so I have this blog.

I used to believe that those who left the church should just leave and move on and not talk about the church at all. If they don't believe anymore then why not just talk about your new adventures and leave the church alone.

I have discovered that after being in the church for over thirty years, that I cannot shed the church like an old coat. It is part of my sinew, encircling my veins and my muscles. It is a part of me and cannot be shaken off. I have Mormon eyes which means that information that I process will be going through that view.

Plus, I have become even more interested in the church now that I can stand back and look at it more objectively.

I have no intention of being an anti-Mormon blog. My blog is about my faith, feminism and how I view the world through my faith. So sometimes I will post something that might be viewed as anti-Mormon, sometimes it will be pro-Mormon, and sometimes it will have nothing to do with Mormonism.

I will be striving to focus on the positive mostly, but because the journey is rough and bad things happen there will be negative stuff too. That is life.

My Shelf Fell Down

Now that I've told my kids...

The shelf for the uninitiated refers to the one that gets put up and you place all your doubts about the church onto it. You don't examine what's on the shelf. You take things down and put things up and leave it there.

Until you do go and examine things, and that's when it happened.

My shelf fell down. What I was left with was a pile of stuff and wood for the cross.

So now I have to look at each thing and pick out what I want to keep and what gets thrown away and make room for new things.

I no longer believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the one true church.

I do believe in Jesus Christ. I believe that He is the Savior. I do believe in Heavenly Father and in Heavenly Mother.

I don't know about the First Vision anymore or the Book of Mormon. I would like to think the Book of Mormon is true. I can't explain it one way or another.

Knowing what I know now about church history, I can't accept Joseph Smith as a good man, which makes me wonder how he can be a prophet. It isn't that I expect perfection in a prophet, but I do expect goodness.

I have been accused of having an anti-Mormon blog. I disagree with that. This is my faith journey, but if people wish to view it that way, they can.

Yes, I will continue to talk about Mormony things. I am still a Mormon. I've been one for longer than I've been a mother. It is a part of me and probably always will be. I hope that I won't always be negative or perceived as negative.

Coming out of my closet, hasn't been easy. Hopefully it will be worth it.