Sunday, March 23, 2014

Watershed

Watershed: an event or period marking a turning point in a course of action or state of affairs

I went to the United Church today. I had been doing so much at the United Church lately that I figured it was time to go to a service. So I went and was greeted warmly by people I knew, mostly from those other things I had been doing. There's the book club group on Tuesday mornings and a group that was looking at "Living the Questions" on Sunday evenings. So it wasn't an entirely scary thing that I was doing. Just different. Plus I had written an article for the newspaper about the United Church building.

The pastors message today was about the woman at the well. 

And about watersheds.

And so inspired I wrote a poem which has music in my head because that's generally the way I write poetry even though I have no musical abilities whatsoever in spite of being a singing nun in the Sound of Music.

Here it is. I never promised greatness.

Watershed


The stream runs to the river, twisting, rushing, falling,
The river runs into the sea,
The water leaves its life, giving everywhere it goes,
And moves on towards its destiny.
I have been turned around from the road I was on,
And away from where my path had always led,
The view here is different, in sight, and touch and sound,
As I mark the point of my watershed.

Watershed
Come and drink from the river rushing by,
Watershed,
Let it pool in the places that had dried,
Open up my eyes, open wide my heart,
Feast upon the word and be well fed,
I may travel this alone, as I make a brand new start,
I will mark the place of my watershed.

Though the path is different, the goal remains the same,
I re-examine things I thought and said,
I put on all my tools, my armor and my sword,
And mark the place of my watershed.
The road is bumpy and uphill, I’m not sure where I’ll be led,
And I look back on my watershed.


 

Gospel Medicine: Chapter 3 - Family Values

This blog series is based on the book "Gospel Medicine" by Barbara Brown Taylor, an Episcopal minister who has written several books based on her own life and her sermons. "Gospel Medicine" is a book of sermons around the concept that the Gospel of Christ is medicine to the soul. I discovered this book while attending a morning book club at my local United Church and I was blown away by the depth and beauty of Taylor's writing. These posts will be looking at each of the chapters of this particular book. 

I'll admit I was a little taken aback by this chapter. I come from a church that claims to love family and put family first and then proceeds to give people, especially men, so many callings and responsibilities that they're rarely home. This chapter claims that Jesus and the gospel will tear families apart.

"There they are sitting around the dining room table one night, minding their own business, when the gospel falls like a sword across their dining room table and quivers there, with half the roast on one side and half on the other, green beans everywhere. Some of those sitting around the table are struck to the heart. They want to pull the sword out and run straight into the street with it, swinging it above their heads and making perfect strangers listen to what just happened to them.

Others want to clean up the mess and get on with supper. Sure, it is the gospel, but there is no reason to get all upset about it. Being a good Christian is not all that different from being a good citizen, after all. You just stay out of trouble and be nice to your neighbors and say your prayers at night. There is absolutely no reason to go make a spectacle out of yourself. 

And then there is always the family member who does not see a thing, who does not believe in swords and who goes right on eating as if nothing ever happened, muttering under his breath about how everyone in this house is stark raving mad."

I loved this visual so much I had to reproduce it. It's true though. We all know or at least know of people who fall into these categories. Most I suspect appear to fall into the last one. We can't stand the ones that fall under the first. The middle ones are okay.

It is true though about the gospel tearing families apart. We've all heard of parents turning their backs on their gay kids citing the bible as the reason. Or on their kids who marry outside of their faith. Or because their kids have left the family faith. There are churches including mine who use excommunication to get rid of the undesirables who dare to present different ideas.

Churches war with each other. The Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, Joan of Arc, the tug between Catholic and Protestant where nobility had to jump back and forth between faiths in order to keep their heads. The Westboro Baptist Church. We look at those who committed the horrendous 9/11 act and take a blind eye to the warring that goes on in Christian communities.

Jesus did warn us. "I have come not to bring peace but a sword." Matt 10:34

He knew that His message was controversial and would cause division, not just between people and nations, but between families.

I don't think Jesus wants families to be divided. His commandment was to love one another. I don't think he wants us to reject our children and not take care of our parents and then blame him for our behavior.

But there are times when it is necessary to turn our backs on those we love. When those we love abuse us, when they are toxic to our well being, when our existence in their lives allows them to continue with bad behavior, when they are a threat to the children that God has entrusted to us. Then we need to take a break from them. We need to allow the sword to separate us so we can heal, protect, and guard from the bad influences.

The trick is knowing when that is.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Gospel Medicine: Chapter 2 - Arthritis of the Spirit

This blog series is based on the book "Gospel Medicine" by Barbara Brown Taylor, an Episcopal minister who has written several books based on her own life and her sermons. "Gospel Medicine" is a book of sermons around the concept that the Gospel of Christ is medicine to the soul. I discovered this book while attending a morning book club at my local United Church and I was blown away by the depth and beauty of Taylor's writing. These posts will be looking at each of the chapters of this particular book.



This was a tough one.

It's on forgiveness.

I admit, this has been a stumbling block for me. Most likely because when I have forgiven over and over again, it has only come back to haunt me. The people in my life that I have forgiven would continue to do the same things to me. It was a never ending circle. I would get hurt, I would forgive, the perpetrator would hurt me again.

My ex would say to me "if you don't forgive me then that makes you the bigger sinner," which took the responsibility of his actions off of him and put them on my shoulders. It also allowed him to do wrong over and over again and just say "it's in the past you have to forgive."

But forgiveness was never designed to allow people to do bad things and not suffer the consequences. The purpose of forgiveness is to set people free, not chain them to misery.

I learned this when one day I heard a voice in my head that said "You don't have to forgive him on his terms."

Eureka! I could forgive him on my terms. And what were my terms? Divorce. I would no longer have to put up with his behavior.

And so I was able to forgive and move on. He still accuses me of not being forgiving, but he says that whenever he does something that I have to forgive him for - again. But at least I'm not so emotionally involved as I once was.

I still struggle with forgiveness. It's a process that sometimes can take time. When someone does something bad to us, we don't have to forgive immediately. We need time to process and come to terms with it. Sometimes we need to get angry to motivate us to do something. Denying the anger doesn't help us. Accepting it, feeling it, and then turning it to something positive does.

As I go through this transition I realize that I don't want to be bitter towards the LDS church. I see it on the forums I'm on. Some people are very angry and they spew that anger all over the place. I understand the anger. I don't want to be a part of it. I don't want to feel that bitterness. Instead I want to speak calmly about what I'm learning, both the positive and the negative. Some may accuse me of anger or not being forgiving, but it's just me working through things.

I don't want to get furrows in my forehead and frown lines around my mouth and develop a reputation of someone that people want to avoid. 

I have to remind myself as Taylor states,  "We are being forgiven every day of our lives. We are being set free by someone who has arranged things so that we have all the advantages. We have choices. We have will. And we have an advocate who seems to know that we need lots of practice at this forgiveness business."

I need to remember this.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

The Things I Choose to Keep: Heavenly Mother

Mother Nature's Garden by jesus-at-art
When my shelf fell down, there was a whole lot of stuff that I had to sift through. I knew I wanted to keep some of it. Many people choose to throw everything away. I believe there is treasure in this mess far too valuable to throw away and start from scratch.

And so I sift through this, choosing to keep some things, discarding others. I will be talking about both, and obviously the things I choose to keep will likely be more positive posts than the things I choose to throw away. They may also be controversial.

Among the more controversial and unique things that the LDS church teaches, is that there is a Heavenly Mother. No other Christian church that I know of teaches this, although there are other religions that recognize the feminine divine.

It makes logical sense. It is even supported in the bible right in Genesis.
26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Genesis 1 26-28 KJV

Who was God speaking to when He said "us" and "our"? If He made man in His own image, then who did He model woman after? I do not look like a man. It stands to reason that there was also woman to make an image of.

God also chose to create a world beginning with a man and a woman, and stated that in Corinthians 11:11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.

It stands to reason that we cannot create alone, and that God the Father would set the pattern much like one that has been set before.

I imagine a beautiful garden, and in this garden there is a man and a woman who are planning their own world(s). Perhaps it is one world, perhaps it is two, one for him and one for her, each one being the God of their own world or sharing the responsibilities of the one. I can see them working together, making plans, trying things out, helping each other as they build these worlds. And they create a garden much like the one they live in, and in the garden they put a man and a woman in the images of them. 

The church has taught there is a Heavenly Mother, but sadly has not expounded on this idea and has discouraged members from talking about her, praying to her, and searching for her. Often the reason is to "protect her". 

But She is a God. She needs no protection from humans. I would hate it if my children never spoke to me, never thought of me. It seems so cruel for the Mother of mankind to be ostracized from our thoughts and feelings. 

And so I keep Heavenly Mother, and I embrace her. Because sometimes I need a Mom.

Gospel Medicine: Chapter 1 - Gospel Medicine

This blog series is based on the book "Gospel Medicine" by Barbara Brown Taylor, an Episcopal minister who has written several books based on her own life and her sermons. "Gospel Medicine" is a book of sermons around the concept that the Gospel of Christ is medicine to the soul. I discovered this book while attending a morning book club at my local United Church and I was blown away by the depth and beauty of Taylor's writing. These posts will be looking at each of the chapters of this particular book.

Taylor begins this chapter introducing us to Luke. I did not know he was a physician, so I looked on the internet for more information regarding that tidbit that Taylor gives. I found this from Examiner It does not say for certain that Luke was a physician, but it points to the possibility. Certainly the physician named Luke in the scriptures may or may not be the same Luke who writes the book of Luke.

This is Taylors introductory chapter to the book and doesn't delve too deeply into theology at this juncture. Her main point is that the gospel is medicine.

The following passage says it all so eloquently.

"On the one hand, the gospel is just a bunch of words. "Weep no more." "Do not be afraid." "Your sins are forgiven." "Stand up and walk." They are just words, and prescribing them to an ailing world seems as futile as putting a bandage on a broken bone or an aspirin in the hand of someone who is dying. But when we proclaim these words as gospel, we say more: we say that they are words that belong to someone, and that every time we speak them someone is present, speaking them with us, speaking them through us, so that we never speak them alone, and they never come back empty. They effect what they proclaim: they dry tears, they quench fears, they forgive sins, they heal souls, they make true the good news of God in Christ every time we speak them."

How beautifully joyous!


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Where Do I Go From Here

Someone very dear and whom I love very much accused me of having an anti-Mormon blog. He asked me to take it down.

I am sure there are some posts that would be labeled by some devout members as anti-Mormon because to many devout members anything that is not pro-Mormon is anti-Mormon. That whole opposites thing that is part of the LDS dialogue. Even church history could be labeled anti-Mormon because it is not faith promoting as in faith promoting according to the LDS gospel.

I have no intention of taking down the church. I am not an ex-Mormon who wants to see the entire church crumble and all the members die.

Nothing I say or write is going to hurt the church. The church is too strong for that, its members too faithful to its teachings. If the church falls apart it will be because of other things, not because of this blog.

No, my intention is not to take down the church or lead anyone astray. My purpose is to have a voice.

For too long in the church I have not really had one. Women as a rule don't. And I'm sure there are women in the church who will disagree with that statement because they don't feel they've experienced that, and that's fine, but it is my experience and it is the experience of many women.

Frankly I'm tired of shutting up and behaving myself, keeping silent on things I disagree with. I want to say something and I don't think doing so in church is appropriate or fair to anyone who comes to church to be spiritually uplifted or be with like-minded people.

It is also clear that my facebook page is not the place to do it as well.

And so I have this blog.

I used to believe that those who left the church should just leave and move on and not talk about the church at all. If they don't believe anymore then why not just talk about your new adventures and leave the church alone.

I have discovered that after being in the church for over thirty years, that I cannot shed the church like an old coat. It is part of my sinew, encircling my veins and my muscles. It is a part of me and cannot be shaken off. I have Mormon eyes which means that information that I process will be going through that view.

Plus, I have become even more interested in the church now that I can stand back and look at it more objectively.

I have no intention of being an anti-Mormon blog. My blog is about my faith, feminism and how I view the world through my faith. So sometimes I will post something that might be viewed as anti-Mormon, sometimes it will be pro-Mormon, and sometimes it will have nothing to do with Mormonism.

I will be striving to focus on the positive mostly, but because the journey is rough and bad things happen there will be negative stuff too. That is life.


Monday, February 3, 2014

My Shelf Fell Down

Now that I've told my kids...

The shelf for the uninitiated refers to the one that gets put up and you place all your doubts about the church onto it. You don't examine what's on the shelf. You take things down and put things up and leave it there.

Until you do go and examine things, and that's when it happened.

My shelf fell down. What I was left with was a pile of stuff and wood for the cross.

So now I have to look at each thing and pick out what I want to keep and what gets thrown away and make room for new things.

I no longer believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the one true church.

I do believe in Jesus Christ. I believe that He is the Savior. I do believe in Heavenly Father and in Heavenly Mother.

I don't know about the First Vision anymore or the Book of Mormon. I would like to think the Book of Mormon is true. I can't explain it one way or another.

Knowing what I know now about church history, I can't accept Joseph Smith as a good man, which makes me wonder how he can be a prophet. It isn't that I expect perfection in a prophet, but I do expect goodness.

I have been accused of having an anti-Mormon blog. I disagree with that. This is my faith journey, but if people wish to view it that way, they can.

Yes, I will continue to talk about Mormony things. I am still a Mormon. I've been one for longer than I've been a mother. It is a part of me and probably always will be. I hope that I won't always be negative or perceived as negative.

Coming out of my closet, hasn't been easy. Hopefully it will be worth it.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Book Review: Leaving the Saints by Martha Beck



Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith
by Martha Beck

As “Mormon royalty” within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Martha Beck was raised in a home frequented by the Church’s high elders in an existence framed by the strictest code of conduct. As an adult, she moved to the east coast, outside of her Mormon enclave for the first time in her life. When her son was born with Down syndrome, Martha and her husband left their graduate programs at Harvard to return to Utah, where they knew the supportive Mormon community would embrace them.

But when she was hired to teach at Brigham Young University, Martha was troubled by the way the Church’s elders silenced dissidents and masked truths that contradicted its published beliefs. Most troubling of all, she was forced to face her history of sexual abuse by one of the Church’s most prominent authorities. The New York Times bestseller Leaving the Saints chronicles Martha’s decision to sever her relationship with the faith that had cradled her for so long and to confront and forgive the person who betrayed her so deeply.

Leaving the Saints offers a rare glimpse inside one of the world’s most secretive religions while telling a profoundly moving story of personal courage, survival, and the transformative power of spirituality.


All righty. Above is the synopsis at Amazon. Now my comments.

First off, Beck is a funny writer. I love funny writers. Even though much of this novel isn't about funny things she manages to put her humorous twist in it. Sometimes it backfires on her when reviewers take some of what she says seriously.

The important church figure that was her father is Hugh Nibley, the most famous LDS apologist. Everyone in the church has heard of Nibley even though he was never an apostle.

Which is what makes this book so shocking. No one wants to think of the honorable Nibley as raping his own daughter. She frames it as a reenactment of Abraham being sacrificed as told in the Pearl of Great Price. It's a memory that she has long forgotten and then appears one day.

Her family has spoken out against this noting that in the small house they were raised in, with so many kids around it just wasn't possible. Added to that according to the family Beck leaves out the dabbling she did in hypnosis and other methods that have proven to produce false memories.

I don't like calling victims liars, especially when it comes to rape victims. However it does happen. Roseanne Barr accused her family for years and then later confessed that it was all a lie.

The other part that caused me to question Becks story had nothing to do with her father or abuse.

Beck worked at BYU and she tells of incidents where the church was cracking down on professors for their writing. That I believe. There are others who have said the same thing especially after the September Six fiasco.

Nope it's not that. It's her story that when she went into the expansive library at BYU she couldn't find a single thing on Sonia Johnson the Mormon Feminist who publicly supported the ERA and was excommunicated for it.

Now we're not talking just books here. Beck claims that even in the microfiche every reference to Johnson had been deleted from the newspapers.

How is that even possible? Johnson was a big name at one time and made national headlines. Even people outside of Utah knew about her.

I simply can't believe that the church hired people to extinguish everything ever written about Johnson. The task would be huge and have very little effect since someone can simply go to another library. It would be a useless exercise.

 What's more, I have read that others have found the information in the BYU library and even at least one book on her.

So I came to the conclusion that although the book is entertaining, it is not truthful.

So read it for fun, not for real information. 

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Why I Have a Problem With This City Creek Center Ad

This is the ad for City Creek Center, a mall in downtown Salt Lake City. A mall which the LDS church built for billions.

But I'm not going to talk about the morality of  a church building a multi billion dollar mall.

I want to talk about this ad which advertises the mall. Not specific stores in the mall, but the mall itself.

Keep in mind that personally, I see nothing wrong with the way this woman is dressed. Her back is lovely. I see no immodesty. She looks elegant. Frankly, I wish I could look like that.

However, the church teaches that this is immodest. The church demands that those who go through the temple wear garments that would not allow this type of clothing. The church often asks young women to wear t-shirts and long shorts over bathing suits while at girls camp. The church has strict rules at BYU about clothing that doesn't even allow skirts above the knee with leggings.

Women in the church are told to keep their shoulders covered - no sleeveless, and their skirts and shorts to the knee or below. We even teach our children to cover up. No sundresses on little girls.

So how can the church justify this ad? Sure they're trying to appeal to people outside the church and there's no expectation that those outside the church should follow the same rules.

If this were an ad for a particular store I would see nothing wrong with it. The church doesn't own the stores, just the mall.

If this were an ad from a Mormon owned business, I would still have no problem with it. Mormons are free to run any ads they wish even if it doesn't jive with their own personal standards. They are free to sell alcohol they wouldn't drink or clothing they wouldn't wear. I don't see this as hypocritical because individuals are not the ones who tell others what to do and have followers who believe that following them is imperative to eternal life.

The LDS church on the other hand is a church. It has rules that it expects it's adherents to follow. Not only to follow but told that if they don't they put their eternal life with God in jeopardy. Included in that is the ability to go to the temple. To go to the temple you have to dress a certain way which would include covering up your back.

This beautiful young model in the lovely gown is not dressed in a way that meets the requirements of the LDS church.

Not only that, but it's unnecessary. It's not as if putting her in an elegant dress that does cover her is going to make people gawk and say "what is that weird thing she is wearing". It's not as if she needs to wear a burqa or a pioneer costume to sell City Creek Mall and meet the church standards. She can still wear church standard and look like a modern day woman.

So why the disparity? Why is the church using an ad showing a woman dressed in a way that would cause an LDS woman to get in trouble on the BYU campus, or frowned on at church or prevented from going to the temple?

Seems to me if they want members to do what they say, they should set the example.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Carol Lynn Pearson`s A Walk in Pink Moccasins

Fabulous post on Feminist Mormon Housewives by Carol Lynn Pearson.

A Walk in Pink Moccasins

I have lived 33 years in the church and have often had these feelings only to be slapped down by some well meaning woman and told that I wasn`t reading my scriptures or being spiritual or whatever.

It`s nice to be able to voice my opinions, although I still have to be careful at church. There`s no point in upsetting the apple cart when people want the apples. They don`t go to church to debate or question. They go to church to be told.

And really, I`m not interested in debates at church, I go to be spiritually fed. However I am open to new ideas. Or old ones that I haven`t heard about, or anything that isn`t the approved doctrine.

I bet church was a lot more interesting when everything wasn`t correlated and we weren`t told what to think.

I really love the concept of a Heavenly Mother and being a Priestess. I do not see how that takes away from men. If anything it makes us all more productive and powerful.

I don't understand how it's honoring Heavenly Mother to pretend she doesn't exist and refuse to speak to her. I would be so hurt if my children did that to me, and hurt more if my husband commanded it. I doubt Heavenly Father treats her that way, so why should we? Surely she is as much a part of our lives as He is and is a part in answering our prayers.

I'm thinking I'll start praying to her as well, but honestly it's hard when I've been so indoctrinated in the way of prayer.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Polygamy Issue Part 3: The LDS Church's 2013 Statement on Polygamy and My Response Because My Response is Important - Okay, Not Really

The church has planned 13 different statements (I don't know what else to call them so I'll refer to them as statements which is probably wrong) relating to problems within church doctrine that members have discovered since they've been able to investigate for themselves. Thank you internet.

The latest is on polygamy.

Here it is and my comments. Bear with me, it's long. So was polygamy. I am not a scholar nor do I pretend to be one, so forget about jumping back and forth with footnotes. This is a blog, not a college paper. So back up on my statements are on your own time.

For the statement in full you can read it at this website. But to get my brilliant insights you can stick around here.

To clarify, the statement is in italics, my comments are not. And only parts of the statement that I'm addressing is here because anything else is superfluous. See, I stuck a big word in there.

The Bible and the Book of Mormon teach that the marriage of one man to one woman is God’s standard, except at specific periods when He has declared otherwise.


Ah, no they don't. The footnotes given go to a place in the BOM that condemns polygamy (more on that later) and the Bible has examples of polygamy but no declaration of God saying it's okay although there are lots of examples of dysfunctional families living polygamy. In fact I read all the scriptures last year and I didn't find anything in any of the scriptures (except  D&C 132) which has God commanding polygamy. Even in the D&C there's a part that says one man one wife.

In accordance with a revelation to Joseph Smith, the practice of plural marriage—the marriage of one man to two or more women—was instituted among members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the early 1840s. 

 The "revelation" is section 132 in the Doctrine and Covenants. As far as I know there were no witnesses to Joseph getting this revelation. You would think that something this earth shattering would have witnesses. And he didn't tell anyone about it until after he could no longer deny that he was practicing it.

In 1890, the Lord inspired Church President Wilford Woodruff to issue a statement that led to the end of the practice of plural marriage in the Church.

Yeah, except look at this following paragraph.

 On an exceptional basis, some new plural marriages were performed between 1890 and 1904, especially in Mexico and Canada, outside the jurisdiction of U.S. law; a small number of plural marriages were performed within the United States during those years.

So the Manifesto did not end plural marriage in the church. In fact just read it through and see how it actually says that they were not performing plural marriages. Which statement tells the truth? That one, or the current one? It appears that Wilford Woodruff had a little problem with telling the truth.

In 1904, the Church strictly prohibited new plural marriages. Today, any person who practices plural marriage cannot become or remain a member of the Church.

Except in the temple. Men can marry as many women as they want in the temple. Women can't. A woman has to get a sealing removed before she can remarry in the temple. A man can have as many wives sealed to him as he was married to on earth. So if he's like Mickey Rooney who had eight wives or something like that, he can be sealed to all of them. The only exception to a woman being sealed to more than one man is if she's dead and she had several husbands and no one knows which one to seal her to. In that case, they seal her to everyone but she has to choose which one in heaven. Men don't have to make that choice.

This essay primarily addresses plural marriage as practiced by the Latter-day Saints between 1847 and 1890, following their exodus to the U.S. West and before the Manifesto.
Latter-day Saints do not understand all of God’s purposes for instituting, through His prophets, the practice of plural marriage during the 19th century. 

Maybe because God didn't.

The Book of Mormon identifies one reason for God to command it: to increase the number of children born in the gospel covenant in order to “raise up seed unto [the Lord]” (Jacob 2:30).

Read Jacob 2. Here I'll give you a moment.

Are you done yet?

This scripture talks about how awful polygamy is and how wrong Solomon and David were and how much it hurts God's daughters and people better stop doing it.

No where does it say "but you guys can do it if you want."

I have no idea how anyone got that out of verse 30. I suppose someone with authority justified his polygamous ways by saying "this is what this means" and because he had authority and was a man everyone said "okay. You must know because you're a man with the priesthood."

But it doesn't actually say that polygamy is okay. You would think it would be as plain as the rest of the scripture that says emphatically that it isn't.

Yet Mormons ignored the plain and simple and forthright and the "don't do that" and put an interesting twist on a scripture that can be interpreted in other ways.

God even warns women not to get involved with married men in verse 28.

I don't know how plainer it can be.

The following is an example which I made up.

"Johnny, your sister came crying to me that you hit her. You can't hit her. It's wrong and it hurts her and it hurts me when you hurt her."

"But Mom..."

"I said you can't do it and I mean it."

"But if you said I could do it, then could I do it?"

"Yes, but I wouldn't say that. I said that you can't."

"But I could if you said I could."

"Yes, but Johnny, I said you can't."

Johnny runs away shouting to his brother, "Hey Marty, Mom said we could hit our sister!"


Plural marriage did result in the birth of large numbers of children within faithful Latter-day Saint homes.

I"m sure there would have been large numbers of children without polygamy. I bet there would have been more. Think about it. Wouldn't ten monogamous couples produce more children than one man trying to impregnate ten women? With a monogamous couple she doesn't have to share him with other women so the chances of getting it pregnant is greater because she's having sex more often.

If producing a large population were the reason for polygamy then why was there only Adam and Eve?  Where were Debby, Kathy and Maggie? And why didn't  Noah and his sons have more wives? Wouldn't populating a world where everyone has died be important?


 It also shaped 19th-century Mormon society in other ways: marriage became available to virtually all who desired it; 

 Well, except for young men who saw the young women married off to old guys. Kind of hard to get one wife when the leaders were grabbing all the young women.


inequality of wealth was diminished as economically disadvantaged women married into more financially stable households;7 

And then were left to fend for themselves as single mothers. Yes, it's so much more financially stable to be a single mom than to be single and not have children.


and ethnic intermarriages were increased, which helped to unite a diverse immigrant population.

What? Didn't Brigham Young rail against intermarriage? Even recently, as in very recently the church has said not to mix race. No I don't have a link. You'll have to look it up. It was in a recent young men's manual.

 Plural marriage also helped create and strengthen a sense of cohesion and group identification among Latter-day Saints. Church members came to see themselves as a “peculiar people,”

Of course it did. You have to unite when you're in misery. You have to have people buoy you up and tell you you're doing the right thing. You have to create an us against them mentality to survive when you're doing something that's weird and goes against every other religion in the country you reside in and every other social norm. It's a way to keep yourself separate.

And yes, you do become peculiar.

Besides, no one wants you in their society. You might take one of their daughters. Duh.



 covenant-bound to carry out the commands of God despite outside opposition, willing to endure ostracism for their principles.

Perhaps the opposition happened because the outside world recognized that it was wrong and cared enough about their children to not want them to get caught up in this.

For these early Latter-day Saints, plural marriage was a religious principle that required personal sacrifice. 

No kidding. And my heart goes out to them. Somehow though I don't think that sacrificing for God is supposed to be so nightmarishly painful. Sacrifice is supposed to bring you greater blessings and fill you with something more than what you give up. Giving up a faithful marriage is not a good sacrifice.

 Accounts left by men and women who practiced plural marriage attest to the challenges and difficulties they experienced, such as financial difficulty,

 What happened to the financial stability mentioned earlier in this document?


 interpersonal strife, and some wives’ longing for the sustained companionship of their husbands.

 You mean women wanted to actually have a relationship with their husbands? What a novel idea! And maybe when there's a disagreement she might want more footing rather than him being able to walk away and find comfort in someone else's arms. She will always lose in that situation because he has no reason to work things out.

And what could women who are sharing a man possibly be fighting about? Hmmm.


But accounts also record the love and joy many found within their families.

 I'm sure that mothers loved their children. And I'm sure that women got to the point where they banded together in their misery. And I'm sure that siblings loved each other. And I'm sure that a man would have a favorite wife and she felt more special than the others (although not as special as a woman in a monogamous relationship).


They believed it was a commandment of God at that time and that obedience would bring great blessings to them and their posterity, both on earth and in the life to come. 

Of course they did. They trusted their prophet. Just like the Saints trust their prophet now. LDS people are taught to believe in their prophet and that he will never lead them astray. So if the prophet says it's a commandment, then it's a commandment.

While there was much love, tenderness, and affection within many plural marriages, the practice was generally based more on religious belief than on romantic love.

 You mean like when a teenage girl is told she has to marry a middle-aged man with several wives when she actually is in love with the teenage boy down the street?

 Church leaders taught that participants in plural marriages should seek to develop a generous spirit of unselfishness and the pure love of Christ for everyone involved.

 In other words - Women, shut up and do as your told by your husband.

During the years that plural marriage was publicly taught, all Latter-day Saints were expected to accept the principle as a revelation from God.

 Revelations from God cannot be questioned. We don't want anyone questioning things. That would lead to people thinking. We don't want that.

Not all, however, were expected to live it.

 Kind of hard when there weren't enough women for every man to have a dozen each.


 Indeed, this system of marriage could not have been universal due to the ratio of men to women.

 See.

 Church leaders viewed plural marriage as a command to the Church generally, while recognizing that individuals who did not enter the practice could still stand approved of God.

Actually that's not what Brigham taught. He said something about men not going to the celestial kingdom unless he had several wives. You'll have to look this one up on your own.

  Women were free to choose their spouses, whether to enter into a polygamous or monogamous union, or whether to marry at all.

 Really? This part of D&C 132 relating specifically to plural marriage:

And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, to abide and acleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none else. But if she will not abide this commandment she shall be bdestroyed, saith the Lord; for I am the Lord thy God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law.

That was just God joshing around? You mean Emma had a choice? Well I guess accepting what Joseph was doing or getting destroyed is a choice. Not a good choice, but a choice. But from what I understand Emma didn't even know Joseph was doing it for awhile. She never actually chose to enter into polygamy, forced or not. Joseph did that on his own.

And really what kind of choice does a woman have when she's told she'll be destroyed if she doesn't agree to marry Uncle Larry? Especially if she's been raised to believe that's the only way to have a marriage?

That's the part of the scripture that doesn't sound like the Lord at all. It sounds like a power hungry guy using his power and authority to get what he wants and what he wants is women in his bed. Many did it before, and many did it since. Like David Koresh.

In Joseph's case he was smart enough to get men to agree with him so it wasn't just him doing it.

I honestly believe that God loves us more than this and he would never violate free agency by telling someone that if they didn't do something horrible they would be destroyed.

This is religious abuse at it's worst and in this day it would be considered rape. And no, I'm not kidding about that. In fact this whole point makes steam come out of my ears so let's move on.


Some men entered plural marriage because they were asked to do so by Church leaders, while others initiated the process themselves; 

I'm sure they were inspired - by parts of their anatomy.


all were required to obtain the approval of Church leaders before entering a plural marriage.

It makes it easier to convince a young woman or the parents of a young woman to allow the marriage when they can say "the prophet commanded it."

The passage of time shaped the experience of life within plural marriage. Virtually all of those practicing it in the earliest years had to overcome their own prejudice against plural marriage and adjust to life in polygamous families. 

 You mean the prejudice that says "this is wrong." You mean that part of you that tells you when something is wrong. You mean the Holy Ghost, your conscience, your intuition, your gut, your intellect, your traditions, your upbringing, your every fibre of being that tells you something is wrong. They had to overcome that prejudice?


The task of pioneering a semiarid land during the middle decades of the 19th century added to the challenges of families who were learning to practice the principle of plural marriage.

So did the fact that no one knew where their husband was.

 Where the family lived—whether in Salt Lake City, with its multiple social and cultural opportunities, or the rural hinterlands, where such opportunities were fewer in number—made a difference in how plural marriage was experienced. It is therefore difficult to accurately generalize about the experience of all plural marriages.

It's difficult to accurately generalize about the experience of all marriages.

Still, some patterns are discernible, and they correct some myths. Although some leaders had large polygamous families, two-thirds of polygamist men had only two wives at a time.

 Only two? Yes, that makes it so much better. He's only cheating on his first wife with one woman instead of several.


Church leaders recognized that plural marriages could be particularly difficult for women.

Well, I'm glad they recognized that. ESPECIALLY SINCE IT SAYS THAT IN JACOB 2! You know, that scripture that says "DON'T DO IT!"

 Divorce was therefore available to women who were unhappy in their marriages; remarriage was also readily available.

 In fact marriages among the early pioneers were pretty much disposable. People were marrying and divorcing and remarrying all over the place. And they say that we're in a bad state of marriage now?


 Women did marry at fairly young ages in the first decade of Utah settlement (age 16 or 17 or, infrequently, younger), which was typical of women living in frontier areas at the time.

 I understand this is not true. I could be wrong.


 Almost all women married, and so did a large percentage of men. 

You mean the men who were allowed to marry? The ones who managed to snag a wife that a married man didn't want?

In fact, it appears that a larger percentage of men in Utah married than elsewhere in the United States at the time. 

Let's do the math. There are 100 men and 200 women. (Random numbers even though it was probably closer to even). If 50 men marry 4 wives each that leaves 50 men without wives. So in the rest of the states more than half the men never married? 

The experience of plural marriage toward the end of the 19th century was substantially different from that of earlier decades. Beginning in 1862, the U.S. government passed laws against the practice of plural marriage. Outside opponents mounted a campaign against the practice, stating that they hoped to protect Mormon women and American civilization. For their part, many Latter-day Saint women publicly defended the practice of plural marriage, arguing in statements that they were willing participants.

Of course they did. What else were they supposed to do? They had to protect their marriages. They may have fully believed that polygamy was right because that's the only belief they were ever taught. They didn't want to have the stigma of being a mistress and having their children being considered bastards under the law. They didn't want to be condemned by their church. Of course they defended it. There wasn't another option.


After the U.S. Supreme Court found the anti-polygamy laws to be constitutional in 1879, federal officials began prosecuting polygamous husbands and wives during the 1880s. Believing these laws to be unjust, Latter-day Saints engaged in civil disobedience by continuing to practice plural marriage and by attempting to avoid arrest.

A lot of husbands abandoned their wives leaving them without any income. Civil disobedience is not an avoidance of arrest. Civil disobedience often requires an arrest to prove a point.

So with all these priesthood holders in hiding did they give the priesthood to women? Nope. Remember, women don't need the priesthood. (I say this with my eyebrows raised.)

 When convicted, they paid fines and submitted to jail time.

You mean there's a choice not to when you're convicted of a crime?

 To help their husbands avoid prosecution, plural wives often separated into different households or went into hiding under assumed names, particularly when pregnant or after giving birth.

That's right. Hide the women in their shame.

By 1890, when President Woodruff’s Manifesto lifted the command to practice plural marriage, 

 Hold it. A command? Didn't it say earlier in this document that there was a choice?


For many who practiced it, plural marriage was a significant sacrifice. Despite the hardships some experienced, the faithfulness of those who practiced plural marriage continues to benefit the Church in innumerable ways. Through the lineage of these 19th-century Saints have come many Latter-day Saints who have been faithful to their gospel covenants as righteous mothers and fathers, loyal disciples of Jesus Christ, and devoted Church members, leaders, and missionaries. 

 You mean those people wouldn't be faithful if they hadn't been born in polygamous families? Don't we teach that we lived in the pre-existance and we are all meant to come to earth? According to LDS doctrine, these people would have been born anyway and most likely into LDS families. In fact, maybe there would be more LDS people because there wouldn't be the stain of polygamy attached and more people would have joined.

On another point of this, coming from those polygamous families we also have the fundamentalist groups and all the problems that has created. Warren Jeffs for instance and all those young women forced into marriages and those young men thrown out of their families. They trace their history to the same source.

My ears are steaming again.

Although members of the contemporary Church are forbidden to practice plural marriage, modern Latter-day Saints honor and respect these pioneers who gave so much for their faith, families, and community.

They gave far more than they should have and I'm sure the majority of them were righteous people trying to do what God wanted them to.

Yes, we honor them, by pretending that it didn't happen. We honor them by leaving the wives of Brigham and Joseph and John and Wilford and the other prophets out of the church manuals.  We honor them by denying there were so many of them.



I find it hypocritical that a church that is so conservative and has such a strong stance against pre-marital sex, "petting",  masturbation, homosexuality, pornography and even how women dress, still defends adultery, child-rape, sexual abuse, and religious/spiritual abuse and puts it under the title of plural marriage.

I know that's a strong statement. I let it stand.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

The List

There is an informal list that as LDS people we are given to do to reach the highest level of exaltation. It's not written down anywhere (well, except where I wrote it) but it is understood.

Here is that list. Read the list.  The List.

Exhausted yet?

Yeah, me too.

LDS people know about grace. They believe in grace. They just don't accept grace.

Other Christian people fully embrace grace because why would you want to do that big long list?

Fully accepting grace means that you don't have to do anything. As long as you accept Jesus then you are saved. You may want to do something but you don't have to. You have no responsibility. After all you are a horrible sinner, there is nothing you can do to deserve grace. It is completely free because Jesus is so good and you are so terrible. You are no better than a serial killer.

LDS people on the other hand are children of God who Heavenly Father loves. But we are also  convinced that we are never good enough and must do everything possible to be accepted by Heavenly Father. He loves us, but He won't let us come to live with Him unless we are perfect. We live in that constant paradox.

So few of us believe we are saved because who can be with that big long list? Sure some will say "you don't have to do everything at once. There are seasons."

True, but have you ever talked to an LDS geneologist? That is the most important thing. This is the season.
To a mother, raising her children is the most important thing. This is the season.
To a home schooler, that is the most important thing. This is the season.
To the ward food hoarder specialist that is the most important thing. This is the season.
And to all of them their most important thing is your most important thing.
Everything is in season.

As for me, I prefer a middle ground.

I don't have to do everything on that list.

That was so freeing to come to that conclusion.

Jesus gave us three things to do.

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself. - Luke 10:27

That's it.

1. Love God.
2. Love your neighbor.
3. Love yourself.

Now the things on The List are all good things. But they are merely tools. You don't have to use every tool in your tool box. Some become your favorite tools that you use over and over again. Some you don't even know how to use or ever need to use and sometimes you need a completely different tool that isn't in the toolbox and you have to go out and get it or make it.

I don't believe we can be saved by proclaiming Jesus and then doing nothing or doing evil things.

I don't believe that following a long list of things to do is necessary to be saved.

What I do believe is that we need to follow the path He lays out for us.  Along that path we will have to fight dragons and help people and learn things. Each of us has a different path. As long as we are headed in the right direction, on our path, then He will come to meet us wherever we are.